


Papa Howard and Nana Vince

by BadBadBucky



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Just all the fluff, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27407164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBadBucky/pseuds/BadBadBucky
Summary: Vince and Howard's grandchildren come for a visit, but Howard has trouble connecting with the kids.
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Papa Howard and Nana Vince

**Author's Note:**

> Another distraction fic! This one is based off this prompt:  
> It's about a loving grandfather and should include a beer. Also use the sentence 'Not for you.' Bonus prompt: Your character is loved by everyone.

“Nana!” The kids bailed out of the car and ran up the drive.

“Hello darlings!” Vince said as he ran out of his studio beside the house to meet the children on the little gravel road that led to his and Howard’s old farmhouse. He might have been getting up there in years, but he could still move when he wanted to.

“You’re going to get paint all over their clothes!” Howard called from the porch.

This did not slow Vince down in the slightest, and honestly Howard hadn’t expected it to. When you’d been married to Vincent Noir for 35 years, you became accustomed to paint ending up on nearly every available surface. But Morgan, Howard and Vince’s son, tended to take after Howard and had quite a dislike for mess. Though Morgan’s husband Lukas never seemed to mind that whenever the children came to visit, they always came back more...colorful than they’d been when they arrived. 

Finally the children and Vince connected. Vince pulled both of the kids, Lily who was 6 and Thomas who was 3, into a massive hug. 

“We missed you Nana,” Lily said.

“Yeah,” Thomas echoed. He had figured out that agreeing with whatever Lily said was usually a good policy. 

“I missed you too darlings,” Vince pressed kisses all over the children’s faces, making them giggle.

The minivan the children had leapt from, carefully nudged over onto the grass to get around the reunion. The minivan parked beside Howard’s ancient van. Morgan and Lukas stepped out of the van. Lukas stretched and shook out his arms. Morgan climbed onto the porch to join his dad. 

The two men, who only engaged in cuddles for Vince’s sake, shared a brief side hug. It might have seemed a cold reception to the outside observer, but it was actually quite demonstrative for the two of them. 

“Any issues with the drive in?” Howard asked. 

“There was a warlock blocking the road with a cauldron of cursed mustard as we were leaving Norfolk, but Lukas had packed some sandwiches, and when he gave them to the warlock, he calmed right down, so really we were still able to make quite good time,” Morgan said. He and Lukas would head back to Norfolk in the morning, and would leave the kids with his dads for the week. 

“Good,” Howard said. They both watched Vince, or Nana as Morgan’s kids called him, gabbing excitedly with the kids. 

“Now why don’t we go say hello to Papa Howard?” Vince took the childrens’ hands and led them toward the house. When they climbed up the steps, the kids got overwhelmed with a case of the shys, they hid behind Vince instead of running up to hug Howard. In all honesty the kids looked a bit scared of Howard. And Howard looked a bit scared of them. 

Howard was not good with small children. Morgan had been 12 when they’d adopted him and so the horribly intimidating business of early childhood had already passed by the time he came into their lives. 

“Go on darlings,” Vince said, nudging Lily a bit. Vince then made eye contact with Howard and dropped his gaze down to Lily, as if to say “go on! Hug her!”

Lily took a hesitant step forward. Howard took a hesitant step forward. They were so close to hugging that Vince had to resist the urge to physically mash them together.

The kids had never quite warmed up to Howard the way they had with Vince. Vince blamed it on Howard’s shyness and general neuroticism, it generally took people a long time to warm up to Howard, but Vince had always hoped that the little ones might be the exception, someone who loved Howard as instantly as he himself had, but they were not the exception. Just like everyone else it would take time for them to see what made Howard so very lovely. 

Finally,  _ finally _ , Lily and Howard hugged. Howard pressed a kiss to the top of Lily’s head, and stroked her red hair. “Hello, sweetheart.”

“Hi Papa Howard,” Lily said.

“Hi Pop How,” Thomas echoed. 

“Hello, little man,” Howard said. He reached out and picked Thomas up and Thomas promptly started crying. 

Howard held Thomas out to Morgan, who took the small boy from his father quickly. 

“He’s just tired,” Lukas said.

Howard highly doubted that. It was simple. The kids liked Vince best. He’d come to accept it, just as he’d come to accept that just about everyone in the world liked Vince best. 

That night the entire family ate dinner together out on the lawn. Morgan and Howard carried out a long trestle table and set it up under a tiny grove of trees, they then retired to the kitchen to cook and left Vince and Lukas to decorate with paper lanterns and fairy lights. 

Lily petted the neighbor’s old goat that liked to stick his head through the fence and Thomas found great interest in pulling up grass and throwing it into the air, while the adults prepared the meal. 

Howard and Morgan cooked a veritable feast. Lamb, homemade bread, purple carrots, a blackberry tart and homemade ice cream.

Vince and the children largely ignored the real food and delved straight into dessert. 

Morgan tried to insist that the children eat their vegetables first but Vince adopted a scandalized tone and said “that is not the way I raised you.” Though really Morgan’s nods toward responsibility were just a clever ruse to obtain more of the tart for himself. His sweet tooth was just as big as Vince’s and Vince often liked to joke that Morgan got his sweet tooth from him. 

Soon enough, the children were nodding off in their seats. Lukas and Howard carried the children back to the house, Lukas carrying Thomas and Howard carrying Lily. They entered the house, the same eclectic mishmash that characterized every home Vince and Howard had ever shared, and walked back to the children’s room. The guest room was painted in a beautiful and whimsical jungle scene that Vince had done himself when Lily was born. 

Vince and Morgan both eyed the last slice of the tart Howard had made. Splitting the tart was absolutely out of the question. They engaged in the old ritual that had followed every mealtime when Morgan was growing up. 

“Dior,” Vince opened the proceedings.

“Versace,” Morgan countered.

“Alexander McQueen.” Vince said.

“Jean Claude Jacquettie,” Morgan said.

“Marc Jacobs,” Vince said.

They would name off designers until one faltered. Winner got the last dessert. This process stretched on long enough that Lukas and Howard were able to finish putting the kids to bed and had nearly reached the table when Morgan was finally stumped.

“Ha ha! Yes!” Vince crowed, as he slid the tart toward himself.

“Let him have it,” Howard said as he easily brushed his hand over Vince’s shoulder and took a seat next to him. 

Vince pretended to pout as he slid the dessert over to Morgan. This too, was part of the ritual. Morgan had never once won their little game ( no one could name more designers than Vince Noir), but he always ended up with the dessert anyway. 

Morgan and Lukas exchanged bites of the tart and Vince leaned his head on Howard’s shoulder. Eventually the two younger men retired to bed in the slightly--but only slightly--more adult guest room. 

Vince and Howard sat on the porch swing, looking at the stars. Howard sipped a beer, Vince ate more ice cream.

“Nice to have a full house idn’t it?” Vince said. 

“Mm-hm,” Howard said noncommittally. 

“Alright, out with it, you’ve been quiet all night,” Vince said. 

“They hate me,” Howard said.

“Who hates ya?” Vince asked.

“Lily. Thomas.”

“No they don’t,” Vince said.

“Alright fine, but they don’t particularly like me,” Howard said. He thought he’d been doing a fairly good job of keeping the hurt out of his voice, but apparently he had failed spectacularly if Vince’s big sad eyes were any indication. 

“Howard…”

“It’s fine. Maybe someday but for now...it’s fine,” Howard insisted. 

“They love you,” vince said. “They’re just shy.”

“They’re not shy with you,” Howard pointed out. 

“Well yeah,” vince said. “That’s cos I meet them at their level. I mean Lily is already smarter than me and Thomas will catch up soon enough, honestly Howard, that’s all it is. I just know how to speak their language.”

Vince had always been very good at languages. Animals, kids, monsters, he always knew just what to say, in his own daft way. 

“We’ve just gotta show em that you can be fun too,” Vince said.

“But I’m not fun,” Howard said. “That’s sort of our entire dynamic?”

“You are so fun,” Vince said. “Like last week. When we went to the farmer’s market and picked out jams. That was fun.”

Howard snorted. “You said that you were literally dying of boredom. You said that if old age didn’t take you soon you were going to strangle yourself with a garlic rope, rather than spend another minute looking at artisanal jams. You said that--”

“Alright!” Vince said--and he still sounded so young at times that it was easy for Howard to forget that they they were in their 70’s. That they’d spent an entire lifetime together. “So maybe it weren’t the funnest outing, but you are fun, Howard. Truly you are.”

And he looked so sincere, with a little crease between his eyebrows showing how serious he was, that Howard couldn’t help himself, he leaned in and kissed Vince. When he pulled back he tasted vanilla and just the faintest hint of blackberry. 

Vince threw his legs over Howard’s legs and snuggled into him. “We just gotta show them how fun you are,” he said. He allowed his eyes to drift closed.

“You better not be falling asleep,” Howard said.

“M’ not,” Vince murmured.

“Vince Noir. I am 72 years old, I already carried our granddaughter to bed tonight. I am  _ not _ carrying you inside,” Howard said. 

Vince let out a loud pretend snore. Howard jabbed him in the ribs and Vince’s eyes shot open.

“You know what Howard? You’re right. You’re no fun at all,” Vince said. 

“Shut it,” Howard said, but he leaned forward and kissed Vince again. “Time for bed little man.” 

Over the next few days, showing the kids how fun Howard could be became Vince’s little project. He had Howard show them Stationary Village, which had grown to become Stationary Metropolis, and while Howard tried to remain a good sport, Vince could see him growing anxious every time one of the kids moved something and Vince knew that Howard was resisting the urge to tell them that the sellotape tree forest or the blue tack botanical gardens were “not for you.” So he decided a different activity might be in order.

Howard tried to watch a film with the kids but they had to delve into Vince’s collection of cartoon DVD’s because Howard’s collection consisted entirely of documentaries on office supplies and Danish Avant Garde cinema. Howard showed them his musical instruments and that went well...for a time, until he started playing them some jazz funk and Thomas started crying. Howard told them some stories from the zoo but all of his “fun facts” about the animals were either disgusting or horrifying. 

And so finally it was the morning that Morgan and Lukas would come to pick the kids back up. The kids were all packed and ready to go. Laden down with presents and art work Vince had helped them make. 

Howard watched Vince and the kids roll around on the lawn, waiting for Morgan and Lukas to arrive. He knew it was dramatic, he knew it was silly, but he truly did feel that this was his last chance to forge a bond with his grandchildren. It might be another year before he got to spend any real time with them, and by then they would be even more leery of him. He had to do something. But what?

Howard cast his eye around the house. Then he spotted a bowl piled high with satsumas.

“Soup soup a tasty soup,” Vince and Lily chanted together as they sat on the lawn.

“Soup!” Thomas called out helpfully. 

“A spicy carrot and coriander,” Vince and Lily continued. 

“Corrander! “ Thomas said, trying his best to keep up. 

“Now what comes next?” Vince asked.

“Chili chowder?” Lily asked.

“You’re so good!” Vince said. “It took me and Papa Howard ages to teach it to your dad.”

A satsuma connected with the side of his head. Vince looked up indignantly, swiping juice off his face. He saw Howard standing a few feet away with a gigantic bowl of satsumas. 

“Oi! Small eyes!” he called out. “What’s the big idea?”

Howard responded by grinning and throwing another satsuma at Vince’s head. Then he dumped the bowl on the ground, picked up a few oranges, and ran for the grove of trees where they’d eaten dinner the night before, he flipped over the trestle table and hid behind it.

Vince picked up Thomas and pulled Lily back toward the porch. 

“We’re under attack, Lily,” Vince said in a conspiratorial whisper. “Be a dear and go grab some satsumas for your Nana.” 

“No using our granddaughter to gather your ammo!” Howard called. He hadn’t heard what Vince said, he just knew him really really well.

Vince scowled in Howard’s direction but did brave the onslaught of satsuma’s to gather some ammunition for himself, Lily, and Thomas. He returned to their post by the porch and handed a satsuma to Lily. 

“Go throw that right at Papa Howard’s head,” Vince said. 

Lily looked at him skeptically. “Are you sure?”

“Oh, very sure, very sure,” Vince said. Then he nudged her toward Howard. 

Lily ran across the lawn until she reached Howard’s trestle table battlement. Howard threw a few projectiles at her but they missed, as he had purposely thrown them wide. Eventually she breached his fortress and threw the satsuma at Howard’s head. It was a particularly ripe one and so it exploded in Howard’s face. 

Lily watched nervously for a moment, waiting to see what her fussy grandpa would do. But Howard burst into a wide grin and laughed. So, Lily laughed too. 

“What say you join my team?” Howard asked. “We can go attack Nana Vince together.”

Lily nodded and the alliance was sealed.

When Morgan and Lukas finally arrived to take the kids home, they found the four of them running around the yard, launching satsumas at each other and laughing themselves silly. The children ,along with howard and Vince, were quite sticky and so they had to have a bath before they went back on the road. As Morgan was “not going to risk the upholstery.”

After the children were more or less clean and ready to go home, they said their goodbyes.

“Bye Nana!” Lily said. She wrapped her arms around Vince.

“I Nana,” Thomas said, and hugged Vince as well. 

Then Lily turned around and launched herself into Howard’s arms and gave him a gigantic kiss. “Bye Papa Howard!”

Howard kissed her on the cheek and she giggled as his beard tickled her face. “Goodbye sweetheart, we’ll see you soon.”

Thomas held out his arms so he could receive a Howard hug as well. “Pop How.”

Howard gathered both children up in his arms and gave them a big hug. “Love you, darlings.”

Howard let them go and the little ones followed their dads back to the minivan. Lily talked a mile a minute, telling her father all about how Papa Howard was so good at throwing stuff and how he’d probably be really good at snowball fights and could they come back for Christmas and and and…

Then they were gone. And it was just Howard and Vince again.

Vince licked Howard’s cheek, which was still sticky with satsuma juice, then kissed him on the same spot. “See? Told you.They just needed a chance to warm up to you.”

“Mm-hm,” Howard said gruffly, but then he smiled to himself. He couldn’t wait until the kids came to visit again. 


End file.
